“Men are trash!”
I cannot count the number of times I’ve heard this said, in fact, I can’t even count the number of times I’ve said it not recognizing the subliminal damage it’s doing. Disrespecting and joking about masculinity and men is straight up wrong. We shouldn’t be doing it cuz surprise surprise we are all trash in this context, and since we are the ones who are primarily striving towards equality of genders, that’s just not the way to achieve it. You don’t need to put someone down to elevate yourself, which is what we subconsciously do. I have to remind myself this everytime a man infuriates my existence and I’m about to let it roll off my tongue that men are trash.
I’m all about femininity with all that it entails, and dealing with that quite often means I have to turn the opposite way and deal with issues of masculinity as well. What I’ve noticed is that many people want to pin all of societies issues and damage on men and the patriarchy. I will not disagree that they have a large part to play in that, but what I won’t agree with is everyone not taking responsibility and owning up to their own part in the problem and instead heaving it upon men cuz I mean they’re already responsible for a large part, why don’t we just make it larger?
We as women have the power to support strong valuable examples of masculinity instead of shaming them by saying things like men are trash. Some would say it’s a joke or that they don’t mean it like that or that it’s not that deep and it’s harmless, but really it’s not. It’s not harmless and it’s not useful cuz now more than ever men are struggling to find their footing in a world that has been shaken and turned upside down. They’re trying to figure out their masculinity and it doesn’t serve anyone to ridicule that. We should be encouraging them in their pursuit of self-actualization not throwing stones at them when they’re already down.
Many modern “feminists” actually go so far as to push for superiority over equality. Whether consciously or unconsciously, I do not know, but what I do know is the fact that we are all flawed and lacking in various ways, we are all working towards being better. A division of the sexes isn’t good for society and does not lead to stable families and communities which I would like to think is a future we all strive towards.
You cannot persecute every man for the crimes of a few. Treating men that aren’t that way as if they are and rejoicing when they suffer will never ever lead to them thriving and being the best versions of themselves, because at the point where we’re kicking them when they’re already down, what do they even have to strive towards, when the very thing that’s supposed to serve as an inspiration is constantly ridiculing, belittling, competing and sneering down at them. Think about it for a bit. I think both genders need to spend more time understanding the psychology of the other, their motivations, and the way they are built it would go a long way in addressing this issue.
Prejudice is something I have a passionate dislike for, and I feel that as creatures who constantly evolve our consciousness through learning experiences, we need to learn to evolve out of our prejudice towards each other. We also need to learn how to lift up those around us who are doing good, and rejoice in strong masculinity. This is not to say you should be an enabler, in fact, make it a priority to call out trashy masculine behavior. But with that same energy make it also a priority to praise those living as great examples of virile and thriving masculine. These standards should however be applied across boards to both genders. Hold men AND women both to standards of civil conduct and moral living.
I would also encourage us to expand our worldview beyond ourselves and open our eyes to see that men experience issues too. Issues rooted so deep that I consider them generational curses cuz to be honest what the hell is this cycle and why do we keep going over the same patterns constantly? Let’s drop the idea that one gender has it harder than the other, that’s a lie, we both have issues that we struggle with and that are unique to us. Let’s wake up, life is difficult for everyone. Because you think that it’s not that big a deal doesn’t mean that to that person it isn’t huge. We’re different and we all have different ways of dealing with things and different ways that the things life throws at us affects us. The answer to a strong society does not lie in dismissing the problems of others but in the coming together and creating an environment where both genders can feel safe enough to unpack their issues and work through them.
Men have it difficult too, in ways that we as women will never be able to comprehend or handle, the same way they won’t be able to handle a lot of issues that we have. It’s not a competition as to who has it harder or who handles it better, can’t we see that we’re all struggling? Let’s be gentle with these societal issues. We’re trying to build a future that is stable and sustainable. A future where children can have stable childhoods and develop in better ways than have previously existed. We are NOT supposed to be going downhill from where we are. Let’s be better. Let’s do better. Let’s break these patterns. We should also make it a point to elevate men that are successful in their masculine roles and stop promoting those that aren’t cuz we can’t even deny that we are huge contributors to this problem.
We did not come to where we are today in civilisation through a battle of the sexes but through a uniting, an integration. That’s what it’s all about isn’t it? It takes humility to admit flaws and men should learn also to drop their egotistical pride, it doesn’t serve you and admit to flaws just as women should (remember, uphold all standards across boards).
I will admit that men are more prone to certain flaws and women to others so being prejudiced doesn’t even make sense. In reality we are individuals and are not defined by our gender groups but by the way we choose to live and act on an individual level. So moving forward let’s recognize the differences between masculine and feminine. Be like a Venn Diagram, remain separate but meet at certain points. I always use this example cuz it just applies to so many things.
Let’s learn to support the men in our lives and not disrespect them by saying they are all collectively trash. We all have Brothers, Uncles and Father’s, whom we love and who are not trash, so let’s rejoice when they are honored and not complain that it wasn’t a women instead. I’m really fed up with all the negativity and incorrect mindsets that we move through life with. All the hate, unhealthy competition and guardedness between genders, that’s not how it was designed to be. Wake up and remain rational. We were created as complements to each other and as a society trying to move out progression and evolution forward, we need to learn how to work together, in love, to move forward and build a better future for everyone.
We should show support in how we speak about them online, how we interact with them and most importantly how we show them respect. This does not mean bowing or being subservient to them. I’m not even sure I have it in me to do that, but there’s a lot of space between those two things. Step away from worship and step away from anger and hatred. Find a middle ground that is gracious, it’s always about balance. Everyone has their place and function in society, let’s learn to respect that.
Yours truly, Chalya.