Over the past few years I’ve noticed a trend or rather a pattern of mindsets that we in this generation have engaged in and are putting in work to cultivate and if I’m being brutally honest, it’s appalling and I’m not here for any of it at all. That is not the direction we should be moving towards or the habits we need to be developing.
Habits come from conditioning and conditioning comes from your childhood, family, background, culture etc. Conditioning can also stem from ignorance, lack of awareness, miseducation and straight up laziness in applying oneself plus of course the toxic cultural conditioning we’ve been engineered and encouraged to embrace regardless of what our own personal intuition tells us. We don’t really choose how we’re conditioned for the most part and that’s unfortunate but what we can choose is how we correct it. Here are a few mindsets I feel we need to drop immediately.
GIVING MEN MONEY
Excuse me? Lol. For real though, what’s this about? I was honestly surprised how often this happens, I can cite countless instances of this and really it shocked me to my core. What is that even? Are you trying to buy love and affection cuz you can’t and it’s not even sustainable. I need to understand what the end game here is, if you know let me in on it in the comments. Men are not children and don’t need to be provided for monetarily. What you’re doing is undermining this man and robbing him of the essential lessons he needs to learn to be an actualized man that fully embraces his masculinity and manhood. Plus any real alpha male should never feel comfortable with a woman paying his way in life. This shouldn’t be a thing! You doing this is just way too much masculine energy, get rid of it ASAP *passionate tears*. Let’s allow men to be men.
USING OTHER WOMEN AS A MEASURING STICK
This is common amongst women who lack self awareness and insight. These types of women are inclined to be competitive, Petty and catty for no apparent reason. Parallel to that is a woman who has invested in becoming a high value woman who is less inclined to see other woman as competition because she knows her worth and frankly has too much going on for her to engage in such inconsequential squabbles. Be that woman or if you need baby steps, work towards it. If you’re out here worried about what other women are doing the chances are you’re not doing the necessary work to elevate your own life.
Okay the era of shooting your shot was empowering and all that (mostly hype sha) but I’m over it. It’s not a sustainable practice. It’s not the design. Allow men chase you, they love it and men only value what they invest in. I’m not saying be a bitch or give anyone attitude that’s absolutely unnecessary. But just stop and chill out, you’ll save yourself a lot of stress resting gracefully I your divine feminine. Being an aggressor is not hot.
JUDGING YOURSELF FOR WHAT YOU DID NOT KNOW
You didn’t know, now you know, so move. It’s that simple. We get to hard on ourselves with the self criticism and judgement but that’s unnecessary and doesn’t serve us in any way. We need to learn how to be gentle and forgiving with ourselves. You have no control over the past in this 3D reality that we find ourselves existing in and what matters is now. Focus on that instead.
BRAGGING ABOUT YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS
This is just not a good look on anyone. It’s distasteful. There’s absolutely no need to put it all out on display and peacock yourself, no reason at all. Plus it’s a sign of where you base your worth. No one is in a competition with you and no one is trying to out hustle your hustle, we’re all in our lanes doing our best or at least trying to. Life is not a competition. Plus what you’re indirectly doing is putting yourself up on a billboard beckoning the whole wide world to use you as target practice. Don’t do it, you’ll attract the wrong type of attention and crowd.
EXPECTING LIFE TO BE FAIR
This is the sort of entitlement that makes me want to fight a nigga. Life is what it is, you can’t change that. It’s not in your power or control to do that. What you can control however, are your actions, the decisions you make and the direction you choose to go. Get informed and work towards bettering yourself. Stop giving yourself excuses to hide behind, your life is your responsibility and it’s what you make it. Life doesn’t just hand you shit, drop the entitlement now.
TRYING TO TURN A DUSTY INTO A KING
This is an impossible task. A beta male can never be an alpha. Save yourself the stress. Repeat after me “YOU CANNOT CHANGE A PERSON!”. Change comes from the inside, you can inspire, that’s really the best you can do, but never change itself. If you are not satisfied with your dusty, pick up your shit and move don’t waste your time. Every investment has its risks, you made a bad investment. Sorry about that, take your L, get over it and stop hanging on to baggage. Knowing when to cut your losses in an invaluable skill that we all need to develop, it will serve you like no other. No one said it wouldn’t hurt, but you need to know when to walk away.
BEING FLATTERED BY BREADCRUMBS AND COMPLIMENTS
Don’t be so attention starved that that you jump on every bit that comes your way, have some dignity and know your worth. The primary mode of operation of slimy, manipulative, narcissistic and abusive people are their words. Don’t let them trap you, remind yourself daily that you are the prize. Don’t be thirsty for validation cuz I think it’s pretty easy to weed these types out.
THINKING THAT SOCIAL MEDIA IS REAL LIFE
I see a lot of people living this out like its a truth even going so are as getting into fights about it and I cannot understand for the life of me where this comes from. I’m really surprised honestly. Isn’t your brain functioning properly? This shit is obviously staged entertainment. It’s called showbiz for a reason, you can’t have the show without the business. These people are making money off your intelligence and living their best REAL lives outside of what they feed you. Do better for yourself. Going further on this theme, the media on a mainstream level hardly ever portray enough of the good characteristics you would want to embody and go on to fill your head with foolishness. This in turn translates as you being unable to make the best decisions for your life, growth and expansion. Don’t get me wrong, social media has its amazing sides, but the majority for some reason seems to miss those.
INVESTING IN YOUR BITTERNESS AND DEFEAT
Your only investing in your own demise by spreading negativity. Learn how to protect your energy, watch what you expose it to, you don’t need that toxic shit. It doesn’t serve you or anyone around you in any way. What you should do instead is invest. Invest in your appearance, invest in your personal care, mental health and just treating yourself and your body better. Feed your mind, soul, spirit. Invest in your hopes and dreams and remember that everything else is a dead end. The universe is a mirror, it will give back to you what you project out.
EXPECTING MEN TO THINK LIKE WOMEN (AND VICE VERSA)
Another impossible expectation and I don’t even know why it exists. It will never happen. Deal with it and stop complaining learn how to work with what you’re given instead. Personally, I wouldn’t even want then to cuz what is that even!? We both bring something strong and unique to the table, we are compliments that’s how it works. The universe is all about polarity, get that in your head now. Plus no reasonable person wants to be trained and put on a leash, so what you’re doing is limiting the quality of people you get exposed to. It’s not your job to control anyone. Your job is to nurture yourself and your femininity (or masculinity) to serve as an inspiration.
EXPECTING YOUR EVERYONE IN YOUR LIFE TO BE HAPPY FOR YOUR LEVEL/GLOW UP
I see a lot of people getting uber triggered when others don’t support them, and I’m always surprised because where does this entitlement even stem from? If you know please let me know. The thing is that when you decide to prioritize yourself and put yourself in a pedestal by owning your worth and value you will for a fact create both enemies and frenemies. This is a given, self elevation is triggering for those who are fearful of getting left behind. It’s been conditioned out of human nature to naturally be inclined to wanting the best for another. It’s something we now need to work at cultivating and bringing to the forefront of our existence. Stop caring what others think or expecting their support, you’re not entitled to it, just do your thing.
TRYING TO RESCUE EVERYONE
The only person you are responsible for is yourself. The reason we decided to come into this existence was to pursue a purpose. Don’t get caught up in all the other bs. Save yourself period. We need to learn that we are incapable of pouring from an empty cup. I wonder why we can’t see that if we work on ourselves and better ourselves, taking responsibility for our actions and creating our realities, that automatically translates into the saving of the collective. Doesn’t it add up? Stop neglecting yourselfz you’re not a pack horse or a mule created to labour and advocate on behalf of others. Charity begins at home, drop the savior complex and don’t invest in your own demise.
A long read, I know, I was a little triggered, thank you for staying till the very end. Drop a comment and let me know what other mindset patterns you see and think we need to drop. Until next time.
Yours truly, Chalya.